Thursday, January 16, 2014

2014 arrived with a Bang

Time to dust off the good ole blog!!!!

If the first several days of 2014 were spent in the hospital with a major hemorrhage how's that make the rest of the year sound? Yeah, not looking good. 
So my health is better but I'm tether tottering on the idea of taking medicine for a long time. I'm not fond of meds. Actually I hate them. I'm not sure if it's because I have family history of prescription drug abuse or what but I really don't like to treat health issues with meds. Zeus says I'm gambling, I say well pass the dice. He doesn't agree. I shrug. Another disagreement we shall agree to disagree. That leads me to another whole soapbox. His family.

Right now I feel worse than a black sheep or a black swan. It's terrible. Actually I'm bitter. Kinda worrys me that I feel this way but I'll pray about that. A terrible event happened a while back where I felt 100% attacked. I stood up for myself and explained myself and everyone involved seemingly placed the blame on me. Telling me I'm a drama queen and bring it on myself and I'm hard to get along with. Well guys, unfortunately that's when my wall went straight to the sky. They didn't try to understand how or why I felt those things. They just said to "knock it off". I've had to emotionally pull out of those relationships for now. Maybe time will help mend the feelings but unfortunately that's been burned into my heart and it's a battle I already fought many years ago, I'm not sure I have the strength, the heart or the desire to doth it again. I'll just pray about it. God knows the way. He'll show me. 

At this point I'm two weeks into the year with a nasty, bad taste in my mouth about the future days. 

I do know my husband is here for me and the most important my children are right with me. My precious babies are just so special. I love them with every ounce of my being. I'm so thankful that I'm their mother. I'm thankful I'm the only mom. I don't have to share. I made them. Nobody can take that or tarnish that. They are beautiful, smart, loving and so incredibly different.

This year does have it's highlights. I'm waiting patiently til June when my brother and his family arrives. I'll have my sister and my nieces and my first love, my handsome lil brother. I'll have birthdays, holidays, dinners, trips, babysitting all to give me smiles. All with the family I'll always have. All with the ones that love me. This will be the first time in 15yrs we can live close by and spend that quality positive time together. My heart waits patiently for that day.

This will be a rough first few months. But I'm confident I'll get through it.