Friday, May 11, 2012


Today someone asked me something interesting, they asked who would you be if you did not have your children? Wow, that was tough. I was not really sure what to say, because frankly I have never really taken the time to think about that thought. From a very young age I wanted children. I wanted to raise them to be productive citizens. However, I never thought about if I couldn't have children what or where would I be. Man, that's a tough question. That's hard to think about because that really is the past. But the general idea that I take from it is who are you? Who am I? What am I? Ummm, now that's a tough one to swallow for sure. I asked Zeus that question tonight, Do my kids define me? He just said I am a failure without my kids. Yeah, he's sarcastic but it actually hit me like a bullet. Am I really a failure without children? I sure hope not. I think I am on the right path that God lead me down. However, I'll never know what I'm suppose to be without children because I have 4 beautiful children that need a Mommy and I have been entrusted with that amazing job and title.  I'd imagine many people think these same thoughts but to intentionally think those thoughts is not fun or easy that's for sure. Mere minutes after tears welled up in my eyes from Zeus' snide comment I decided I need to pick up a book A sent me a few days ago. I just needed a reason to pick it up and this person's questioning today gave me that reason. I sat down in my fluffy, OK not so fluffy, rocking recliner, you know the one I rocked all 4 babies in and untied the gold ribbon and read the foreword, introduction and acknowledgments. I was hooked or maybe just curious, whatever the case, I turned it to today's date, May 8. Well would you lookie there, Today's meditation is about  Loving Yourself. Seriously, God, I'm listening. No really, I'm listening. Don't you find it amazing the words that are placed before us just when we need them. It just boggles me how this happens, and lately how frequently it's been happening. Whatever the reason today's meditation starts off, No matter what, love yourself.  It continues and to share other ideas and then the last line says No matter if you aren't certain where you're going or if there's anyplace left to go, love yourself.  Unbelievable.

So tonight I sit here thinking about the words set before me. I wonder who I am and what I will continue to be throughout the rest of my life. I wonder if I can touch one person or many people? I wonder if I will make a name for myself and not just four peoples Mommy and some strange, sarcastic guys wife. What I do know is that I am me, and I do what's best for my family and what makes me happy. I will wonder about all the unknowns but not worry. Wondering is good but knowing what's right here in front of me is better. Blessings to all of you that you do not define yourself based on your things, your car, your house, your family or lack of any of these. You make you and with God's help and giving him the keys,  your path will be written.