Thursday, October 6, 2011

My heart

This morning after watching all the tributes to Steve Jobs my brain begin feverishly thinking, no its not a first. But really, seriously, I began to look at myself. What have I done? Have I followed my heart? Am I happy with my own job?

Those answers didn't come as a surprise. I feel I have followed my heart. The things I have done are small but I think they could and have made a larger impact on the lives of other people. My job is being a mother and a friend. I see and love on my kids everyday.

 My friends, well, that's what I miss. I have friends all over the world and the U.S. I like that part. What I don't like is not being able to help them in whatever minuscule way I can. When I think about these folks I get giddy inside. So giddy, that I want to clap my hands like Grandma Klump "Hercules, Hercules, Hercules" did in the Nutty Professor. Picture me saying "I love my friends, I love my friends, I love my friends". Oh yes, I love my friends that much. The very thought of them brings a smile to my face, even when I'm cleaning Ziggy pee off the floor and trashcan, I can smile thinking of those beautiful faces. Am I weird, probably! Most likely, but that is OK with me. Do I love my friends, more than ever. That is why this morning I am missing their simple company. Tea, coffee, crying babies or planting flowers, whatever we did together I miss. No, they are not dead. Not that kinda missing. The kind were you want to go back for just one more hour and hug them one more time and let them know they will be remembered, thought of, cared for and loved.

My heart is happy today, even as I wash the sheets and match all the unmatched socks. Those friends, don't make me name you, know who they are all around the world have made a lasting impression upon my life and today those memories are getting me through the lonely days and times I wish they were here. I really miss the silly jokes played on my family, Zeus in particular. I miss having a morning talk. I miss being asked Mommy questions. I miss doing crafts. Yeah, Its been a while since I made a pretty wreath or a diaper cake. I miss having my Christmas lights hung by standing on the back of a truck, yes we did that. Anyways, you get the point. Today my friends have taken on a new meaning. Thanks to Steve Jobs I am renewed in knowing that I am me and very happy to be me, whatever waist size, hair length or number of friends. I will continue to love no matter how "crazy" that sounds or looks like.

Friends, please know I love you all so deeply that you may never know the depth and enormity of those feelings. You are in my heart, you get me through the day and I love you.