Sunday, March 20, 2011

In the Army now

Today, now that I am home and can process the last 4 days I am feeling better. The last few days were spent in Lawton, Oklahoma for my little brothers Army Basic training graduation. I was really looking forward to it. I have felt guilty for many years since I was in Air Force training when he walked across the stage for high school graduation. I managed to make it to his wedding a few years ago so I had it in my head nothing was going to stop me from being there this time. Many people do not understand the love in my heart for my brother. Because of the way we grew up, him and I became bonded. Most will never understand this relationship and I'm not going to try to explain it. He is one of the most important people in my life. My brother, J, means as much to me as my husband and my children. So being there to show him my love and support was my top priority.

We were able to see him march in his ACU's during the family day events chronicling the time he spent at basic. I was right there snapping photos of him.

We followed them, his battalion back to their dorms and waited while they all went up and changed their clothes in their Class B's. After they came down and formed up waiting to be released they spoke, OK maybe yelled, the soldiers creed. The second he said those words " I am a Soldier", the tears were flowing in my eyes. Here I sit as the flow some more. I was proud of him. I was so glad he had made this life changing decision. I was filled with love, joy and extreme happiness to see my bratty, mean and annoying "little" brother out there who had become a man. He stood tall. He was poised. He was confident. He had become an American Soldier and he had become my American Soldier.

Having been in the military and married to an Airman, I had a clue and deep understanding of what he was going to go through during training. I knew just how deep within himself he had to dig to find the strength to get through that very next moment. I knew how badly he had missed the real world and his family. I knew the obstacles, yelling, feeling of walking on eggshells as to avoid being "smoked" or "reamed".

I was so very proud of him and this amazing accomplishment. This is a huge deal for my brother. A great achievement most people did not think he was capable of. I knew he had it in him from the day I walked across the field. He started questioning me and my decision. I knew then he was curious. I knew he could and would do it someday. He has proven all the nay-sayers wrong.

I will never be able to put into words the pride, joy, love and happiness in my heart and soul for this incredible man. For 18 years, it was he and I against the world. For a while and somewhat today I viewed him as my first child. I am protective of him like a Momma bear. I feel all those things most mothers feel for their sons, except that he is my brother. The reasons why shall remain private amongst him and I and our family. Just know that this boy really relied on me and I really took care of him, protected him and loved him through all the adversity. After I was married and moved away he started growing distance as his life decisions were not in line with mine. However as he got older, wiser, smarter and calmer he began to mimic my life and I knew I had not lost him. I knew he still needed me just like I still needed him.

NO, I am not his wife. NO, I am not his mother. But, I am his OLDER, BIGGER Sister and I will always cherish every moment and emotion with him. And I hope he does with me too. I am his biggest supporter!!
I love you little brother and I am more proud of you than anyone will ever know.
My brother is in the Army now!

1 comments: said...

SO Glad you got to be there to witness that. I'm sure it means alot to him that you were there.