Saturday, October 31, 2009

A huge hole of sadness

Tonight is the night that begins the long, exciting and dreadful separation between my husband and my family. We have been preparing for this for 8 Months so I thought I was actually ready for it. Looks like I thought wrong.

As I was cleaning up and straightening up the living room I found this orange slip of paper. It was a handwritten note/letter from Omega wishing Zeus a safe and fun time on his trip. The moment I read it the tears filled my eyes thinking how strong my little boy is for writing this and thinking how thoughtful he is to write that for Daddy. How unselfish of him. It makes me sad that my babies will have to be without Daddy, one of 2 staples in their lives. It makes me scared to know that I will be that one supporting pillar in their life for 4 months. I get really nervous knowing that I hold all the cards. I am a new single mom and scared out of my mind. I am experiencing so many emotions right now. I am extremely sad for one because my spouse, love, partner, best friend has to be away and will not be able to communicate as much, actually will be VERY little communication for weeks. This is different from a war deployment or one of his business trips. At least on those you know when to expect to hear from them, they get to call, email and write and sometimes even skype. This is much more different. He has someone telling him his every move right down to when he can go pee. We are talking basic military officer training. Extremely tough stuff. I know we can do this but it doesn't stop me going through or dealing with all the emotions that this creates. I am nervous for his sanity. I am upset that I will be without him. I wish I could be that support for him like I am here. The one he can walk in the door and hug annoyingly to relieve his stress. Nope, can't do it.

I am sad for the babies that all they have to lean on is me and only me. God forbid I have a bad day. I am going to have to dig REALLY deep to get through this. I am praying that God will give me the strength, personal support, friendships, adult communication, patience, wisdom and guidance to help me parent and love the way I need to. I know I should say I should be thankful for this opportunity. I am grateful don't get me wrong, I am most grateful for this new chapter but closing this chapter is going to be VERY, VERY difficult. I know I will struggle through this. I know I will have some pretty bad days. I know I will have some pretty good days. But I also understand I have to be honest and own up to the fact that I can not do this alone. I will have to have support.

I do not know what to expect from this extra long separation. I know that I need not argue when hubby calls. I know that I need to keep him informed of things. I know that he needs our never ending support. Having talked to him about this I/we have decided to get our conversations as positive as possible. Although we are both used to ranting to each other, this is not the plan for the next few months. So I plan on using A LOT of phone minutes talking and conversing with many other adults to keep myself somewhat sane.

I had to stop writing this last night to help Zeus cut his hair and pack so I am on day 2 of my personal journal of military officer training from the spouses point of view.

Today started out miserably. Zeus left before 6am this morning and within minutes of his departure Zero was a ball of tears in my bed. You and I both know that when one of my babies cries, I cry. So we were both crying our eyes out and neither one of us got back to sleep. All the little boys showed up around 6:45am so I turned on Alvin and the chipmunks and we all snuggled til 8am. They have been very short tempered as have I. I understand the stress level here is unmeasurable. It is through the roof and I can not really do anything about it. I realize they feed off of me but durn it. Zulu has been quite the little devil today. I was very disappointed in his attitude and behavior towards me and his siblings. URRRGGGG!! I wanted to really throw him out with the trash. I didn't, I'm just saying. Ziggy was the fire starter today and boy did he start LOTS of them. He even destroyed a beautiful family photo that added to the tears. I had a pretty yucky break-down this afternoon but attending a baby shower this afternoon and feeling the love of my friends made me so much better. Thanks Ladies, I so needed that, even if I was running around making sure everyone was having fun.

Once we got home after we had a heart to heart on the way home. The kids were perfect!!! Ziggy cleaned the dinner table without being asked. Zulu picked out dinner and even helped me prepare it. Omega was so compassionate rubbing make back and asking if I was ok or needed anything. He makes me cry because he is so selfless. He is always thinking of others. I am so very proud of him. Poor little Miss Zero, she is so sensitive and is really struggling with not

having her Daddy here. It has been some time since she has struggled like this. I fear it will interfere with school, I hope not but I do think it will affect her somewhat.

I try really hard not to be a negative person. I think positivity is the object of ones strength. But we as humans need others. Physically and emotionally we need support especially in times of change or hardship. I ask you to say a little prayer for us. Say a little prayer for Zeus that he gets through this step with as few bumps as possible. I hope that you will find someone like me that needs someone and help them at least once every 2 weeks, even if its just a phone call. Find something you are good at doing and use it to bring joy to someone else.

My blogs will be very emotional for some time now as we walk this new road and the time of year it is all happening. This is my little way of reflecting on the day, journaling and decompressing. I'll hope you understand.

I leave you with a heavy heart and sadness filled mind.


Haskins Halloween

Howdy Folks-

So at my house we do celebrate the happiness that Halloween brings. We do not celebrate any evilness, scary or gory things. I personally believe that the skeletons, monsters, zombies, vampires and anything bloody or dead is uncalled for. Just my opinion.

So we as a family pick a theme. EVERY. SINGLE. YEAR!!! I have planned themes since little miss what a few months old. This year was a bit more difficult. We had decided to go with Sesame Street but while I was scoring magazines, catalogs, stores and websites I came to the realization that Sesame street costumes are mostly for adults. Who'd of Thunk it? So we had to change after the heartbreaking discussion of "sorry you can't be that". So the research began again trying to come up with a theme with at least 4 characters.

Finally, I had found it. All I had to do was convince the 4 youngsters that this is what "they" wanted to be. All were well except Ziggy who absolutely wanted to be what Omega wanted to be.

So I had to compromise with him and beg plead and bargain before he finally came around. He eventually did and boy I am so glad he did.

Our Theme, Disney's Mickey Mouse Clubhouse!!!

Zero was Minnie

Omega was Mickey

Zulu was Goofy

Ziggy was Donald Duck

Zeus and I typically do not dress up. I might some day but now it is all about the kids and I do not want to distract or take away anything from them. Especially all the ooooo's and aaahhhh's.

That is the idea, Right?

Well, maybe just me. Forgive me. I do make sure they turn heads. I love for them to stand out and make an Impact. I'm the mom and I am proud of my babies and yes, I absolutely want them to make an impression on others and want them to be remembered. This is one of those holidays.

We took them on a parade, then to a terribly organized costume contest and then we went trick or treating.

It was a lot of fun. A friend went with us with their little 2 year old. It was nice. My children had so much excitement and energy. Zeus and I had to run a few times to keep up with the 4 of them. Seriously, they were running from house to house super excited to be the first to the next house to see what they could snag. Hilarious and a little scary! My knee was killing me after the 1 hour of trick or treating. I am not sure how much ground we covered but it was every bit of 2 miles or more.

During the trick or treating excitement Zeus brought a bag to empty buckets. He had to go home 2 times to dump the bag. Yea, lots of candy. We are talking 24lbs of candy. No joke, we weighed it after filling a HUGE box.

Then they had about an hour to pass out candy at our house. Zeus set up their little lawn chairs and I got each of them a bowl to pass out candy. Each trick or treater that came by had to stop by each and every chair. It was so funny and yes they had a good time. They were even yelling down the street at trick or treaters to come here. Super cute!!

I am a happy and pleased Mommy.

Great time, Great memories and AWESOME BLACKMAIL for later.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Zulu turns 6

Happy Birthday Mister Zulu!!!

Today is the day, your birthday.

I am so proud of you.

You have become such an intelligent little man.

You are so independent.

I am so glad God brought you into our life.

You are the first "planned" child of our family.

We are so lucky to have you around. Everyone will always play fair if you are involved.

I pray that you will grow into a handsome, loving, caring young man. I pray that you will find a loving caring spouse one day. I pray that you will attend the college of your choice, graduate and become the great Firefighter you continue to dream about.

Zulu, what a loving little cuddler you are. It is so special for Mommy to roll over in bed and see you snuggling with me. It makes me so happy.

I cried a little yesterday taking down you handdrawn pictures because you are growing up right before my eyes. It is so scary. I will cherish these little hand prints and first drawings and paintings.

I think this birthday is the first step in becoming a BIG boy. You will forever be my baby though.

Remember that in order to succeed in life you must be willing to put others first. Help out the best way you know how and learn that we are all in this together, no matter how you are treated.

Son Daddy and I love you and will be here whenever you need us.


Monday, October 19, 2009

My love of crafting

Howdy buddies!!

How was everyone's weekend? Ours was fantastic. Friday night Zeus decided he wanted a family night. I was fine with that since we only have 2 weekends left with him before he heads off to OTS. Oh yes, I am a soon to be Officers Wife. WOO HOO!!! So we went to dinner for Mexican of course, Zeus' favorite. Then we took the kids to the movies to see " Where the wild things are?". Zeus then surprised us all with Cold stone ice cream. What a wonderful time we had.

Speaking of soon to be, I also am a soon to be Auntie for the 5th time. This one tugs at my heart just a little bit more than the previous 4. Don't get me wrong, each one holds a special place with me but this one is part of me. This one is the first blood niece and she will belong to my precious and sweet brother. That being said, I have a great past time that came from my beautiful grandmother, Crafting. Oh how I love to craft.

A while back( 3 years ago) I was throwing my best friend a baby shower and researching fun ideas that I could do to make this a unique and unforgettable experience for her. I found lots of fun ideas and had to narrow it down. That was hard. I wanted to do everything for her but only had so much time. I decided to put my time into trying to make one of those things called Diaper cakes. I had never seen one but wanted to make one the minute I spotted it. It was fun and has been a learning process. I have made several of these for precious family and friends and gave one away a few months back.

So when I found out my new sister in law was pregnant I was super happy that I would get to make another one. After doing all the chatting with my Sis I found the colors she was interested in and then I was off and running. Living 2000 miles away I was going to have to ship this thing. So I pieced it together and sent it off in hopes it would make it for the beloved baby shower being thrown for her. I can say it made it safely without any surgery on the other side.

Regrettably I had to have my mom deliver it. I would have much rather delivered it myself but just could not get there, Thanks military. I am grateful to my mom for helping me. Much to my surprise my Sis called to tell me Thank you within minutes of the closing of her shower. That leads me to believe she must have liked it. What do you think? Did She like it?

Without further ado here is my Sister in Laws one of a kind diaper cake, oh and Her too!!!

Come back soon for more pictures and fun stories from the Haskins House, Blessings

Friday, October 16, 2009

Laughing til I cry.............

Hello bloggy buddies!

I just had to share a piece of my Mommy life with you today.
Many of you know that I have been working really hard with Ziggy on the whole potty training. He has done excellent. When he needs to potty he has to announce it to everyone in his loudest voice while using the full size toilet on his own. It is really cute but can be embarrassing if we have company of any kind. He has yet to have an accident while sleeping either during nap time or nighttime. Don't get me wrong we have had a few accidents. They typically are caused by loose stools, or in my kids language Juicy poop. Now, once this happens it can be a HUGE mess to clean up. It is never easy or fun and down right disgusting. I deal with it because I know it will soon be over and I will no longer be able to help my "baby".

Normally when this happens I assist Ziggy to the bathroom and promptly remove the rug. Then we carefully take off the shorts or pants and then I stand him on the seat of the toilet to take off the undies. It is nasty. But any droppings will fall into the toilet and I can clean the seat easily. I usually clean the undies in the toilet bowl while continually flushing the toilet. You get the gist. I know it is weird that I had to explain but stay with me here I have a point.
Well this afternoon after eating lunch I knew Ziggy had a full tummy and had him go potty while I was finishing eating. He did great. I wiped him and sent him on his way. A few minutes later he came back and said he accidentally had an accident and a little poop came out into his underoos. I told him to go to the bathroom and I would be there in just a minute. Just then I hear splashing in the toilet and I immediately thought he had diarrhea. So I ran quick to check on him and this is what I found..................................

I was on the phone at the time and was absolutely dying laughing. OH my, he was trying to, in his words, do it himself. OH MY WORD, Seriously I was laughing and crying all at the same time.

Then he says "Are you laughing at me. Am I funny" "I was just trying to help"
Yes dear Ziggy you were just trying to help. It is just so funny to see a 3 year old trying to clean poop from a pair of underoo's. But I love you
Lesson of the day: Like Mother Like son. Children will do things that they see, even if it is disgusting.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Why I do it!

This morning with the rainy and COLD weather upon us I am a little cranky. I know you are dying to ask why aren't you. Well, let me just tell you.

I am one of those parents that loves to get involved with my children's lives. So I coach their little league teams.

Well today, I am beginning to question why I do this. Why do I put forth the energy to go out there 3 times a week to run practice and games knowing there will be at least 3 unruly children, 2 that don't know how to listen and one that lives in another world. Why do I try to talk over them causing my voice to come and go throughout the season? Why do I do this ALL by myself? Yep, no assistant coach this year, its me and me alone. I must be insane. Yep, that's it. Pure insanity!!

Why the crankiness, Twinkle?

Tuesday I tried to do something a little different. My Husbands team practices right by our team and we thought it would be fun, different and a unique learning experience to intermix our two teams and have them scrimmage each other. Mind you that my kids are 5-6 and his are 7-9. It is something we have done in the past that has the kids beaming with joy and allows both groups to see what the other group is learning and what level they are on. That being said I have a parent that was livid with me about doing this and thought it had no purpose and was purely dangerous. Really? I don't see you out here with these rambunctious hooligans now do I.
And yes I can call them that in my blog! Deal with it. So I calmly talk to this parent and explain mine and Zeus' thoughts and why we do it. I do not think I satisfied him but at least he left me alone after that. Sheesh. Didn't realize I needed to arm myself with a shield before putting on my coaching whistle.

Then I decide to take practice down to once a week since we typically do this every year/ season once games start. Zeus and I have practice at the same time since that is what is best for our family. We decided to do this together like we have EVERY season in the past. This year we decided to let another team take the big field on Thursday since they have been practicing in the dark. I thought it was a great idea by Zeus myself, but some on my team don't agree. Dang I just can't seem to win. As hard as I try to be creative, try new things and keep the kids interested the parents seem to push back. Ugggg, It really makes me want to throw my hands up and walk away because I am not getting paid a single dime to do this. This purely is VOLUNTEER. I am hanging with it because my child is involved and the season is halfway done. I will continue but honestly just stop with the coach bashing. Appreciate that I try my best, that I show up, and that the kids are actually learning something.

If you are a parent and have a volunteer coach, I would like to share with you a few things you could do to help out your child's team and coach.

Try your best not to get upset with their coaching. Please keep your extreme emotions off the field or court. Please volunteer to be an assistant and/or team parent. Be supportive of all coaching decisions. Ask if you can help. Make sure your child is on time and if you will be late or absent be courteous to let the coach know when your child will be missing out. We count on these kids and can not run a team if we are missing half of it. If you have an issue discuss it AFTER games and practices AWAY from the kids and other parents, it can be damaging and embarrassing to all parties.

Thanks for listening to me vent today bloggy buddies. I am sorry to be so darn negative but geez, I can not hold it forever.
Blessings and enjoy your weekend and family

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Family and Friends Friday 6th edit.

Hello Bloggy buddies. I know it has been awhile but life has been happening over here at the Haskins House. I now bring back my famous Friday edition of Family and Friends Friday.
This is where I openly and honestly thank someone important to me and my life before their funeral. I want to be able to tell them how I feel before that fateful day or otherwise too late.
I want them to know what they mean to me and be able to smile about it.

So todays winner was really easy. Its you R.D.H.S.

Zeus today I dedicate this blog to you. With you leaving us I felt today was the right day for you.

You know I can say "I love you" a million times to you but it just doesn't seem special enough. Those words seem simple in comparison to what you mean to me and our family.

That first evening I saw you sitting there on the bleachers watching us practice gave me goose bumps. I wanted to know who that person was. Then I met you and found out how funny you are in EVERY SITUATION. That was the sign that you were a keeper.
From the first kiss in the tent to the last kiss this afternoon I have loved you and will continue to love you everyday of my life.

It is so funny to see how alike we are yet so different. I am so thankful for your patience with me. I know I can be a handful most of the time but you always seem to keep it together and do what needs to be done in my time of despair, anger, frustration and irritation. You are truly wonderful.

I look back at the way this all worked out and just thank the lord for you. Zeus you are amazing. I have never shared so many special things and places with one person. So thank you as I know there will be many more.

Can you believe it has been 10 years? Me neither, it is kinda strange.

I want to thank you for all 4 of these gorgeous and interesting children. They love you as much as I do and every time I see you play with them my heart goes pitter patter with joy. I couldn't have picked a better Father or Daddy for my babies. I think this is why I keep you around!

You are an awesome husband but what's better than that is the fact that you are the most playful and loving Father. A dad that coaches soccer, baseball, and basketball is truly a caring man. Seeing you on the floor rough housing with the kids always makes me gush. I may not smile on the outside but I am smiling arm to arm on the inside. I love how patient you are with Math homework and how you push the kids with projects. And what's even better is your eye for consequences. You have encouraged me to turn consequences into a learning experience for all of us.

You must know that I appreciate all the breakfasts in bed, all the wonderful times you came home early from a trip to surprise me, and all the times you brought me flowers. Even if I can count them all on one hand. I am thankful for you allowing me to sleep in and grateful for all the diaper changing you did. I never could have potty trained all these kids so thank you. Zeus, I have found the love of my life with you and I so appreciate you sharing it with me.

I want to thank you for the fantastic surprise trip to Hawaii. Wow, what husband lies to his wife in front of his parents and plans something so special to one place only to take her someplace else. Yep, only you.

Thank you for the wonderful Mothers day in Atlanta. What a great way to spend my first Mothers day.

Thank you for the beautiful trip to Orlando and Tampa, even if it was in celebration of a Bachelors degree for you it was sure special.

And the embarrassing trip to Atlantic city for my birthday which was unforgettable.

Thank you for buying me a car for valentines day and for driving all that way for 2 pretty puppies. Something else that will stick with me is that you have accepted my extended family. You treat them like your own family and for that I am most grateful. I couldn't ask for much more than that. I could go on all day with these types of thank yous, but I won't embarrass you just yet.

Thank you for pushing through all those long nights of studying to graduate college with a Bachelors degree and then continuing on for that Masters degree so that our family would be provided for years down the line. That is love. I know it and whether I ever told you or not please know that I am most grateful. Most would have stopped at the Bachelors degree but you always do as much as you can. I love to see your determination. You can not be mediocre, you have to be the best and that competitiveness and hard working attitude is greatly loved and adored.
I can never thank you enough for fixing the cars, mowing the lawn, setting up computers and sounds systems. The funniest thing is coming home to a completely rearranged living room or bedroom. Talk about crack me up. Honey, that is something only you would do and I love it.

I know I squirm when you play your little pranks and jokes on me but secretly I am grateful for the attention and thoughts from you. Cause I know you are thinking of me. And that is the greatest.

I am so thankful for your attention to detail when planning anything from family road trips across the country to a short trip to Virginia beach. Whatever it is you have covered every inch of the planning. I could never do that and am most grateful that you do.

Thank you for marrying me. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for pushing through the rough days with me. Thank you for accepting the Cowboys as your football team. Thank you for providing for our family. Thank you for serving this country honorably.

We appreciate you and I want you to know that I am along for the ride and will be your first mate, map reader, navigator, wife or whatever you want to call me for 70 more years.

The next 4 months will be tough for all of us but as we look to the end, our lives will become much easier and you will preform like I know you can. What a great gift we have been given.
I know you will do well in school as you strive to achieve the highest level in everything you do. Even if you work til after 7 to finish up todays work.

So today I lay it all out there to tell you and the world that you are loved, appreciated and cared for. All things are noticed. All things are special. Even if I forget to tell you or forget to call or forget to thank you, please know that you are MY ZEUS ALMIGHTY.

Friday, October 2, 2009

It's game time!!!


Last Saturday was my babies first soccer games of the season. It was perfect weather, cool, sunny and dry. The babies did so good. Mr. Zulu is on my team, Lions, and man Can I just tell you he is a speed demon. It is ridiculous! If he has the ball it will be 5 seconds and he will have it in the goal. It is so fun to watch. The faces he makes when he is determined is awesome. He did fantastic.

Then Zero and Omega played the next hour with Zeus' team, Dragons. This game is a totally different feeling and atmosphere. These kids are big. The field is long. The goal is wide. and My my, a parent's heart rate could easily be measured in the high 100's. Those kids were amazing. And then of course there are mine. Zero, being her shy self, you would think she would be timid and nervous out there. Quite contrary to that, she had her feet on the ball and played her position. She even mothered a few others while doing it, HIGH FIVE baby!!!! I was so proud of her because she stayed with it and she even played Goalie. That was funny because she is arguably in the bottom 3 for shortest kid on the team.

Omega looks like a midget out there with kids almost 2 feet taller than him but yet he continues to run and kick that ball. He came close to kicking a goal a few times but did not have much outside assistance. He too is a speed demon out there. Running and dribbling that ball like he was a pro. These kids make me smile so much. What a great experience for all involved. Maybe tomorrow I can actually sit in the chair and not run back and forth up the sidelines. Sorry parents!!!!

What a proud day as a Soccer Mom.