Tuesday, September 8, 2009

The Tools of Life

Hey guys, how was everyones' weekend. Ours was totally fantastic other than Twinkle, Me, not feeling well on one of the days. Anyways there is 2 somethings that I would like to discuss with you guys and please tell me what you think about this.

First is Friendship! What does the term friend mean to you?

The term friend means to me someone that you enjoy to be around, someone that you care about and help, someone that cares for you and wants to enjoy you and someone that checks up on you. It also means someone you can talk with about issues but understand and still love each other even if you do not agree with or about something. I think friendship will have criticism but as long as it is approached carefully can be a good thing and should be part of a friendship. Recently events have taken place that make me wonder what other people believe or view as a friendship. I would love to hear yours. I personally love to talk to people about their views on life issues and see where we differ and how we agree. And what I can learn or take from them. I think that is how we grow. I think acceptance is what God trys to teach us. I am learning that loving some people can be very difficult but it can be done even if they do not love you back. I will continue to love.

Another issue I think is important is our parenting as a nation. I think that our parenting over the years has gotten very lax and become watered down. I try very hard to teach my children between right and wrong but I also know that it is MY job to arm them with as many tools as possible so that they can climb the treacherous mountain of LIFE. I think the reason we have events such as Columbine and Virginia Tech is a failure to provide these children the tools they needed to deal with tough situations. Life is not easy, we all know this. But do our children? It can also be very confusing too. That is our jobs as parents/adults to walk these children through situations and give them advice and guidance to get them through the deep darkness and extreme harness of others. If you are facing the worst obstacle course of your life and have no idea how to get through it but understand you either jump and give up your life or complete the course. Most would put one foot in front of the other and attempt to complete the course, probably asking for help along the way. That is the way we should approach our children. They are going to grow up. There is no question about that. So we need to help them understand that there are rules/laws/regulations that we adults abide by everyday and they will be expected to abide by them too. If we can teach them about friendships and the dynamics involved with other people I think we hold a very valuable tool. It is important that our children learn that not all people love, not all people are nice, not all people don't stop just for YOU, and that not all people will accept you. If we can give them these wonderful pieces of advice I think we can avoid that hole they feel like they were backed into and the only way out is to kill others. As a parent you are responsible for your childs actions and for teaching them the social issues. It is not there school teachers job. Although those teachers try very hard they are not ultimately responsible. My children have learned the hard lessons of losing a friend to death, Losing a friend for silly(stupid) reasons, temporary loss of a parent for short lengths of time, moving away from family, moving away from friends, how to deal with nonacceptance, how to accept someone with a handicap, how to love all colors whether they are caramel, Chocolate or vanilla or on a sliding scale. My children I feel are heavily armed already but there is much more arming I need to do and I understand that. The heartache will come but they need to be prepared for it and they need to understand it happens to all of us and will eventually happen to them. My children also understand that life does not revolve around them. Basically what I am saying is selfishness. They will know that acting that way will not get them very far. They have to practice love in all ways and understand that hard work will be rewarded in time. We as parents have really given ourselves and our children the false sense of entitlement. That is not how life works works. Just because you were born to rich parents or a wealthy family does not mean you have the easy way. Just because you live in a certain place does not mean it should be an easier for you. Nope, you have to strive to work hard, you have to complete your education and you must be kind and loving. Being a mom of 4 children I get to see 4 different points of view on many situations. I am grateful that I have been given this educational opportunity to share with my youngsters.

There will be sticky situations that will come up along the way that my children will not handle properly, case in point a small incident this weekend. My daughter ran into something difficult and someone got hurt. Well the hurt couldn't understand what and why it happened. She was not given those tools, I hope now, after the fact that the tools will be provided but that is not something I can do or help with. I can just help my child to understand why the hurt acted the way she did and that she should apologize for hurting someone elses feelings. Allowing her to discuss this with me is a great life lesson and just another tool that she can use if a similar situation ever occurs again, she is only 9 you know. Being that young she still needs guidance and can not be expected to know what to do with tough situations. I am very proud of her honesty. I am very proud of her concern for the feelings of others afterwards and mostly proud of her for being able to apologize to the hurt and accepting her mistake. Good for you Zero, Mommy loves you.

Have your children made any tough mistakes? How did you deal with them? Did you help them understand it and how to avoid it next time? Did they own up to those mistakes? Has your child ever been hurt by someone else? What did you tell them? Did you get mad and threaten to kick someones butt or did you show them that things happen beyond our control and practice self control.

Anger happens, sadness happens, happiness happens. These things are unavoidable. I will not promise something that I can not keep or is not logical or practical. We as parents can not protect our children from all harm. We try are darnedest to avoid it but ultimately they are gonna suffer some heartache along the way. I would love to hear from that one mother that's child has NEVER suffered pain or heartache. Are you out there? I'm waiting.

Anyways, what I am trying to say is that we can not promise to protect our children because we can not always be there to protect them we just have to help them deal with it when it comes. I call that Precaution or preventive action. I despise of reaction instead of preventive action. Have a plan, prepare a plan and follow through with the plan. Just like we do with natural disasters

I hope you all continue to prepare your own children for sticky situations and I hope that when they arise you calmly and maturely bring them to attention and allow the learning to begin. Please take this as a friendly mother discussing important life issues and not as a personal attack. I may take some heat for this, like God says, but I feel as a Godly woman we must speak out about important issues and this is one I know something about and feel strongly about.
Blessings to all and good luck with your own situations.