Friday, August 7, 2009

Friends are Friends Forever.....

The last week has been very trying for me. I am not out looking for sympathy from anyone other than my husband, who now understands. I am trying very hard to put on a smiling face and hold my head up high. This is not an ending for me. It is not world crumbling either. It is just a sad week where I see through clear lenses at what is in front of me. God allows us to suffer sadness so that we appreciate the happiness that soon follows. Life is but a roller coaster, a journey of twists and turns and ups and downs that all humans will travel. Let me just began with a little history lesson.

Being a military family, we often move to places where we have no "family" support. We must find and make friends very quickly so that we can gain the support we need for the time we have at that location. That being said I am learning to do this, albeit difficult, I am still going with the flow to make those friends that I can help / support and be supported by.

I am the kind of person that latches on pretty quickly now. Although I need to follow my gut reaction about instant feelings of people. I try hard to listen to the word of God and not Judge. Judging is so very wrong and is not for any of us to do, although it is done by so many on a daily basis, i.e The National Enquirer. Luke 6: 37 in the bible states this “Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven." I try to live my life in helping mode and by the lessons taught by this magnificent book. I want to do what I can to help others in any way I know how. That is who I was brought up to be and that is who I will continue to be. Here is another verse that I keep close to my heart Hebrew 13:16 "Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God". I also am a very protective person in general. I protect what is mine, whether it be, husband, children, friendship or relative, I stand up for these things and will protect them at all costs. This may not be the "right" thing to do but for me I feel it is the way I should and will be. When something is attacking one of these things I get defensive and support and protect. Many times this has caused hardship on the attacker but it allows me to show the care that I have in my heart for the prey.

Now, I will do this the best I know how. I have been tossing around blogging about this for a couple days now but at this point I feel this in my blog and I can do as I please, Thank you America. I need to get this off my chest before it becomes a festering wound to my heart. I am no doubt deeply hurt. I am no doubt deeply saddened by the events that have transpired. I am slightly confused. I am stunned at the unbelievable public shunning I have had to endure. Actually what has hurt me the most is the fact that someone/s walked away without a proper goodbye. I mean, I believe whole-heartedly that you need to respect others in that manor. It kinda feels like a separation that never filed for or followed through with the final divorce. You get my drift. Hanging by a string not knowing whether to let go or hope to be pulled up.

It was kinda weird how all this came about too. One day I am out garage saleing having a grand ole time and the very next day I am the Outcast. Can being invited to someone's birthday truly lead to something like this? WOW! Don't get me wrong, I had already decided that I was going to sit back and watch to see if I would be pursued. I think relationships are 2 way streets, both parties have to give and communicate and in my case I felt as if I was the only one communicating. So I thought I would give it a little time to see when I would be contacted. Funny thing about it is, it never happened. Why? I may never know and that is the worst part. But the fact of the matter is I am highly disappointed in how this has ended up. But in the end, I refuse to go begging for a relationship if the feelings are not mutual. I will have to leave it alone because it is clear to me that I am no longer the third wheel. It is no longer a tricycle moving through life, it has become a bicycle with no room for me to join in and ride. I have no expectations at this point. The sadness will fade and the sun will shine and bring hope and love, I am sure.

I will probably get flack for publicizing this, but honestly I will never be able to keep this stuffed deep inside, nor do I want to. When I do that, I, at a later date will explode and it will never be pretty or a good thing and honestly would probably involve the police. So I opt to do it this way. God knows none of us want the police to get involved in matters that should and could be dealt with maturely.

I listened to the advice of a very wise person in my life and have gotten down on my knees and prayed to God to take it off my shoulders and out of my hands and cleanse me of this situation. You know that phrase, "give it God". I had to do that last night after a long heartfelt conversation with my Best Friend and husband. That is never an easy thing but I have to trust in the Lord and have faith that he will take care of me.

I will come out of this a better person. I will come out of it a more cautious friend. And in the end the rest is up to God and his plan. Again, he knows my path and I just have to walk the one he provides.

Pray for me that god will guide me and guide those around me. Pray for the others that God will soften their hearts and lead them in the right direction. Pray that a resolution come about the way he plans. Pray that I will move on without missing a beat, for I must care for 4 beautiful souls. Pray for all the other people in the country that will or are going through similar situations that God will give them peace and guide them through the storm. Thank you dear bloggy buddies.

And friends are friends forever
If the Lord's the Lord of them
And a friend will not say NEVER
'Cause the welcome will not end
Though it's hard to let you go
In the Father's hands we know
That a lifetime's not too long
To live as friends


Charisse said...

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I can tell from your tweets lately that you are truly deeply hurt. I will share some words of wisdom that were recently shared with me by a friend that I have become closer to in the past year : "We will never appreciate the good things in life or good, nice people in life if we never encounter the bad." You are an awesome person and very strong in your faith. I am very proud that you "gave it to GOD" and are going to try and move past this pain. Anyone that doesn't want you as a friend doesn't know what they are missing.

Amy said...

I'm sorry you're going through with this. I do know how you feel...
God has better things planned for you, I'm sure.