Sunday, February 15, 2009

At just the right time

I sit here looking at this computer screen in tears thinking about the past 24 hours. Today was a ridiculously crazy day for me. I have really felt totally embarrassed by my childrens behavior today. But after reading my daily blogs that I follow. I have been relieved. God is working here, I know. He put these blogs on my page for a reason. I read them for a reason. Maybe to share them with you or just to allow myself to feel OK with life and the choices that are made.

So the first one I read is a well known author Lysa who is an amazing Christian writer. I have nothing on her. But anyways, she writes today about one of her children misbehaving at school and getting the dreaded call to THE PRINCIPALS office. Which I know how she feels!!! It is a scary feeling. But she blogs about how she felt immediate failure and that the situation made her think about redefining herself.

2 reasons I mention this. First, I had to share this amazing blogger and writer with you. Check her out she really does walk with God. She inspires me to make better choices myself.

And second reason, She opened my eyes today.

I was doing my motherly duties today by scheduling and taking my 4 beautiful children to be photographed. We go in and they are doing awesome waiting for our turn. She calls us back and the shoot begins. My kids must have taken their smiley pills this morning or something. They did wonderfully. The shoot only took maybe 15-20 minutes at most to take more than 20 Great shots. Then it was time for me to work my way through all the photos and try to order some without spending a fortune. While doing this, the kids were left to sit in the tiny studio and play legos, leapster and my i-phone. I have downloaded many games to keep them occupied while sitting in extremely boring places. This being one. Only thing is I only have 1 i-phone and 4 kids that wanted it. It turned into a little rough play to 2 kids running 20 foot circles while trying to get the i-phone from the other in the middle of the doorway. Another family trying to pick their pictures while mine simply humiliate me stand watching in disgust. I tried to keep my composure while thanking the older 2 for behaving. The situation began to escalate when the younger 2 began to throw the legos up like they were freshly fallen leaves. Bizarre. Upsetting and just a little. bit. embarrassing. I felt horrified. I felt my heart breaking like I had done little to no discipline in their short little lives. In my head I was running circles on how to deal with them, where to deal with them and why I try to do these things. I quickly made me selections, purchased the pictures and found the first door out of the store not looking back one time.

But after reading Lysas' post, I am feeling renewed. I feel God is helping me be a better mother and showing me what is important and that each one of these precious beings is totally their own being that needs guidance but ultimately make their own decisions. We are all sinners and we all make bad choices. So it is better to make them younger and be shown the correct path than to never be shown and always choose the wrong trails. Thanks Lysa! You have once again touched another life and opened my heart. Patience has been restored and a different way of Mothering begins in the morning.

Then the second post I read today was Sandy's, the organizational guru. She posted about a young mother who past this life on Valentines day. God put her post on me today so that I would not feel so guilty. A few, unmentionable things have happened the past week that have made me feel extremely guilty. I was feeling really selfish and just seriously guilt. After talking to Zeus, I was feeling even worse this evening. He unfortunately added much more weight to the shoulders that already are holding more than they can handle. Funny how that works. But after reading Sandy's beautiful post about life and death and how short our lives could be and that we are not promised another day on earth. The guilt has subsided and has been replaced with joy, happiness and 100% honest gratefulness. I am grateful to God for lending me 4 beautiful loving children. I am so very thankful that he has given me 28 years of life, married life, parenting life and all those wonderful things that he has blessed me with. I do thank him everyday but today Sandy just renews those values. My choices were not deal breakers. They were not harmful or hurtful to anyone. They were just simple spontaneous decisions that happen once a year for me. That's all. Maybe Zeus will forget or just maybe for once forgive them.

Thanks Sandy for allowing me to enjoy my decisions sans the guilt and worries. Thank you for putting life first just one more time. To all you wonderful readers out there. Read Sandy's post.
Have a great day.

Today could have been much worse. But thankfully it wasn't. It was a good day. I had my babies, we made memories, we spent the day together and we are all together resting happily. That is what matters most. So Lysa and Sandy stepped at my doorstep or computer screen at just the right time.

Blessings and stay tuned