Wednesday, June 18, 2008


I want to start off saying I am thankful to be a mother today especially of 4 happy healthy children, but along with that goes the stress of being the single mother at this point. Ryan is still gone, going on 3 weeks now and I am trying to keep everything in order while trying to give attention to all 4. I am managing to keep everything tidy and straightened up. I am working on getting the kids into a daily routine of dressing, making beds, breakfast and the other dozen things that come along with a house. But there are always battles amongst the children. That can be trying explaining why they can not do something. Or why we have to clean up. Parenting is definitely tough especially trying to do it alone with family 2000 miles away.

What I am missing is the comfort of another adult. The converstaions of another adult. I miss being asked "How was your Day". Courtney does a good job of trying to comfort me when I get lonely, her intentions are great but it is not Ryan or a close friend. I miss just being able to take a walk without worrying about who has the kids or are they in bed or just taking the walk in general. I am really feeling lonely these days. I would say that I wish things would go back to normal but is there ever normal with all the chaos that turns circles around us. I would like to be phoned, emailed and asked about me, not about the kids. Is that selfish? Maybe but I put all my energy into these 4 beings and this house and I feel I need to be wanted, eh.

Ryan calls but he doesn't really talk, he answers my questions. Weird? But that is the extent of our converstations. Boring, lonely and just plain ridiculous. Anybody got any ideas how to get him to talk when he is away. I have not figured it out yet.

So tonight I am just feeling lonely but I am not sure that is the correct word. Sad maybe, huh, unsure. WOW, just a rush of emotions.

So I just had to get it off my chest, Ryan is coming home on Monday and then Linda(MIL) will be here on Tuesday for a week. So there is light at the end of the tunnel.


Taylors Make Four said...

call me! I have the summers off (love being a teacher)...817-269-5156!