Radio Silence

If you are an avid follower you know that my dearest Zeus is currently attending Officer Training School in Alabama. We have been waiting for this for a very long time.

He reported in Tuesday afternoon for what is called TD-0. After all he had done he was able to call me that evening from his cell phone. Well it was the fastest, quickest call we have EVER had in our long relationship. Yep it was short. A whole 38 seconds. Long enough for him to tell me he was alive, OK and needed a shower.

Now, this training is 60 training days., or TD's. Doesn't sound too bad until you throw in all the weekends and holidays and that 60 training days just turned into 4 months. WHEW

Now then, I am completely used to Zeus not being here physically. He has traveled pretty much off and on our entire marriage. These last 4 1/2 years he has traveled significantly. But I was able to call and chat or call and remind him of something. He could call me and he would respond to emails within an hour or so. So yes, physically he was gone but mentally and emotionally he and I were still able to connect.

This OTS thing is way different. He can not call often and let me just tell you how hard it was to go 3 days without hearing from my best friend, confidant, and lover. Then add in the fact that their are 4 little people that want to talk to Daddy and it makes for a very emotional couple of days. Oh yea, I have been at my wits end. Nervous, scared and even angry that I had not heard from him. All those emotions had consumed me and I could not seem to kick them. The more I tried to distract myself or push them aside to more they came back stronger and with more force. I however, have a few good friends that allowed me to vent to them. They even stopped by for a hug and a chat. Four BIG GIANT BLESSINGS. Thank you K, C, S and H.

God is so amazing because just when I thought I would not be able to take it anymore and just after I had given up faith my friends stepped in with good faith and love and helped me get in a better place. Then the impossible happened. Oh yes, impossible. My handsome Zeus made that amazing call I had anxiously been longing for since Tuesday. Saturday just before midnight I was able to have a very calming, sweet, informative 20 minute conversation with my #1 supporter. WOW, I was put at ease. My body was completely at peace and after being awake 22 hours on Friday I needed a peaceful rest. His voice was all I needed for complete and pure relaxation.

Then came Sunday morning. Oh what a beautiful morning, oh what a beautiful day, get my drift. Yea, well I awoke to the beautiful sound of my phone ringing. And take one guess who it was. Oh MY GOSH, I think I needed to change my panties after that, Zeus was on the phone again. WOW, go to sleep with him and wake up with him, now this is the life of an OTS wife. He called to chat with our little ones. It was so wonderful to see them get so excited to tell Daddy about their awesome soccer games on Saturday and their field trips and school projects. I was so happy to see little smiles on not one of their faces but all four. It was a sight to behold. After lots and lots of tears, fussiness, anger and pure misery exuding from their little bodies I was more than happy to experience a little giddiness, excitement and down right happiness. Zeus was able to give us another 30 minutes and boy did we savor every second of it. God Is GOOD. Do I need to say that again? Ok since you asked, GOD IS GOOD.

I was restored, rejuvenated and well, completely re energized. He said he would try to call when he could and that he was sorry for the "radio silence" but he was given TOO much to do and had to prioritize and you guessed it, I did not make the cut. No hard feelings. I still love him. I understand the extreme circumstances he is under because I did go through Basic Military Training more than 10 years ago myself. It was not OTS but it was boot camp. I remember the ridiculous yelling and stupid repetition of making beds and changing clothes to see how fast you could change from BDU's (Battle Dress uniforms) to PT (Physical training) gear. No it was not fun but I knew I could deal with it for 6 weeks and I did. Now he has to deal with it for 12 weeks.

I understand my job as the wife is to be the support and optimist but sheesh that can be hard. And having babies it is suddenly quadrupled. WOW, I had to vent but I had a good group of women both in person and online to support me and listen and love. Thanks BOT10-03FAMILY

Oh what a journey this shall be. Oh and did I tell you guys just 41 days until he is in my arms again for 2 whole weeks for their mandatory holiday recess. You better believe I will be spending every minute with him before he goes back to the mighty life of a GOLDHAWK.

WAKE UP CALL

Today is the day that should shake, rattle and roll the bones of all you Americans out there.

I am slightly, ok maybe greatly, irritated with most opinions.

Don't get me wrong, today's attack was horrific. Absolutely terrible, but what I want you to look at is WHY.

Why did this man, an officer in our military feel he had to kill to get out of a deployment? Could it be because we have neglected our military so much that most have to be deployed a year and come home for 6-9 months only to go back for another year and so forth. Come on now. We are doing our Soldiers, Sailors, Marines and Airman an injustice. Now is the time to stand up and say hey look, we need MORE military. The burden is far to great. It is not even right to send these guys over there continuously. So not cool.

Now, being a military wife I see it everyday service members coming and going. They see more stinking sand than they do of their children. Is that what we are teaching this next generation?

I am quite agitated with today's true cry for help. Because clearly that is what happened. Nobody listened when he said he could not go again. Nobody cared when he felt he needed family time. Nobody cared if he needed to go to school. NOPE!!! He was viewed as a vessel or craft. Basically told to shut up, pack your bags and get on the plane or go to jail. He chose to die and take the violence out wrongly. Yes, it was a huge mistake, but don't just brush this off. Take heart that we as Americans need to use our voices and say enough is enough. Add more troops, soldiers or get the heck out of dodge!

Being a soldier can feel so helpless because you are told where to go, when to go and then if you complain or whine or create an excuse they see it as if you are selfish. Well take a look now. What if this is the first snowball? Who will throw the next one? Will it be at our base? Will it be in your hometown? Something has got to be done and it needs to happen very quickly.

Do you all believe in preventative maintenance on your car? You know change the oil, check the fluids, rotate the tires? Yes. Is your answer yes? Because if it is then you know that in order to get the full potential out of something you must nurture it and take care of it. This goes with soldiers as well. They need to be taken care of, cleaned up, refueled, polished and rejuvenated. But we are not allowing them the opportunity to do so. Just when they get home and get readjusted they get hit with another (@^$ deployment. Come on USA. Lets use this as our wake up call or Engine light and take our car or troops in for some Preventative maintenance.

What do you say? Are you with me?

Fort Hood, we love you and we are behind you. We are pulling and pushing for help. Blessings and love surround you as you walk through this tragedy with new, clear eyes on your future.

God Bless America and God Bless the defense department